


Do Not Stand At My Grave And Cry (I am not there; I did not die)

by prettybirdy979



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, BAMF Pidge | Katie Holt, BAMF Shiro (Voltron), Galra Empire, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Protective Shiro (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8999062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettybirdy979/pseuds/prettybirdy979
Summary: It’s a routine mission right up until the man with the robotic eye and metal leg shows up. He fights to kill and it's Shiro he's against. But that's okay, Shiro can handle it.
Then Shiro manages to unmask him and suddenly wishes he hadn't.
There are fates worse than death, and it looks like Matt Holt is living one.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vanishedSchism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishedSchism/gifts).



> So this is my first Voltron fic and it's a gift fic... I hope you like it!
> 
> Title from the poem 'Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep' by Mary Elizabeth Frye

It’s a routine mission - or at least close to routine - where their Voltron team sneaks into a Galra base - or operating centre, or ship sometimes - and break out prisoners, then form Voltron to kick the ass of any ships in the area. Shiro’s starting to find it almost a relief to do, the reliable stupidness of the drones combining with the arrogance of the Galra to make super easy missions.

Well it’s a routine mission right up until the man with the robotic eye and metal leg shows up.

This time they’re on a ship, trying to steal as much data as they can. Pidge is convinced they’ll be able to grab at least one name of a prison planet, to use as their next target. So they’re in one of the offices, with Keith to watch their back while Lance and Hunk do a quick search for prisoners on board the ship.

Shiro’s gotten himself a bit separated from the others but that’s fine - he can still hear everyone chattering over the comms so he’s not too far away. At the back of his mind, Black whispers her location and it’s a warming comfort to realise he’s getting close. Ship might’ve gotten him turned around but he just has to get through the next room and he’ll be with Black again.

The door slides open and Shiro’s stomach drops. He’s on the ship’s bridge.

And it’s full of Galra. At least a half dozen plus their drones.

Damn it.

For a moment his knees ache, the memory of being forced to them when he was captured stealing his vision away until all he can see is that bridge, those Galra. But then one of the Galra here, in this moment of reality, cries out, breaking the spell holding him.

Swearing, he powers up his hand and gets to work.

_‘Shiro? You okay?’_ Pidge asks, their voice uncertain.

‘Fine,’ he grits out, dodging under one punch and kicking out at the Galra captaining the ship. ‘Just a bit busy.’

_‘You sure?’_ Hunk asks. _‘Only you don’t usually swear and that’s kinda a red flag here…’_

Shiro throws one of the drones out into the hallway, grabs the gun it drops on the way and shoots out the lock. The door slams shut, and from the banging that instantly starts that’s bought him some time.

‘I ran into a few more Galra than planned. I’ll be fine. How are you going Pidge?’ Okay, maybe this isn’t the time but maybe if he distracts them no one will risk themselves - or their mission - doing something stupid like trying to rescue him.

Not again.

‘ _Got it,_ ’ Pidge says, the triumph clear in their voice. ‘ _Are you su- Shit!’_ They continue with a string of curses, Keith joining in a second later.

‘Pidge! Keith!’ Shiro cries, his voice echoed by the rest of the team. A wave of determination sweeps through him, his body feeling like steel as he knocks out the last of the Galra on the bridge. There’s still banging at the door but it can be ignored for now.

‘ _Guys, you alright?_ ’ Lance says, his voice wavering in a way that makes Shiro’s stomach clench.

A long moment of silence then, ‘ _We’re okay_ ,’ Pidge whispers, their voice barely audible. ‘ _Someone shot at us, through the closed door. No idea how, they would’ve had to figure out our positions based on shadows and luck… Then they started to kick the door down.’_

_‘First kick dented the door,’_ Keith adds, a touch of awe in his voice. ‘ _This guy is strong_.’

Panic turns Shiro’s blood to ice. ‘Where are you now?’

‘ _Vents_ ,’ Pidge says and relief makes Shiro light headed. _‘Keith barely fits but we’re on our way to our lions and I think the gu- shit!’_  

A bang comes over the comms, clearing Shiro’s mind as more icy panic floods him.

‘Pidge! Keith!’

‘ _We’re okay,_ ’ Keith says, panting as he speaks. ‘ _Guy took a shot at the vent, nearly hit Pidge. But we’ve gone up and I think we’re out of range.’_

Shiro’s heart is still pounding and his chest is still tight. This is getting too risky. ‘Lance, Hunk; you guys find the life signs Allura detected?’

A long pause that only makes Shiro’s heart beat faster and his chest feel tighter. Then, ‘ _We did but umm…’_ Lance trails off and it’s just his heavy breathing over the comms.

‘ _They’re… they’re not really in any fit state to be moved,_ ’ Hunk finally says, the tone of his voice making Shiro hiss in pain as his heart clenches. Shit.

‘Do what you can for them in the next minute, then get out.’ A chorus of protests rings out, so Shiro adds, ‘We have to get out of here. Now. We got what we came for and it’s getting too risky to stay. Keith, Pidge, get to your lions now. Cover Hunk and Lance as they get out.’

‘ _And you Shiro?_ ’ Allura asks, her voice reproachful.

Shiro looks at the door, still banging away under the pounding of Galra fists, and swallows the fear creeping up his spine, making him shiver. At the back of his mind he can feel Black’s alarm, along with her desire to be at his side instead of stuck outside.

‘I’ll be fine,’ he lies, glancing out the bridge’s view screen. He can’t go out the door but maybe if he tries a window he can get to Black along the outside of the ship. Powering up his arm, he runs his eyes along the glass - or glass like substance - trying to find a weak po-

BANG!

Shiro whirls around at the noise behind him. Oh shit is that the door-

It’s lucky Shiro’s instincts are quicker than his mind; he’s already falling to the ground as the door flies towards him. So instead of hitting him dead on, it just hits his right shoulder. The metal of his arm takes most of the force of the blow but he still has to cry out as a familiar fiery pain aches in his shoulder.

‘ _Shiro!’_ six voices cry out. No time to focus on them though; there’s a threat in the room. The purple glow of his arm fills the room without a conscious thought. Threat means danger, dangers must be eliminated.

Rolling away from the door, Shiro gets his knees under himself and surges to his feet, raising his right arm to cover his head as he does. It takes a shot - when did his attacker have time to fire? - and he instantly drops it to stop the second shot at his heart.

Metal bullets. Whoever this is, he’s not standard Galra.

With a roar, Shiro throws himself across the room, grabbing his attacker’s gun in his metal hand. Crushing it takes only a split second and his attacker lets it go the moment it crunches in Shiro’s hand, using their proximity to throw a punch at Shiro’s face.

It doesn’t land. Shiro stepped back the moment he disarmed his attacker, having fought too many battles to miss that trick. He doesn’t avoid the follow up kick, like a crowbar to his knee, but they’re still close enough for him to drive his metal fist into his attacker’s stomach in retaliation.

The force of Shiro’s punch sends his attacker stumbling back a few steps and Shiro takes the chance to examine him for the first time.

He’s… he’s _human_ , or mostly humanoid. His left leg is metal, a twin to Shiro’s own arm, and he’s not bothered to wear gloves so his pale hands are visible. As are the scar littering his fingers - Shiro has matching ones, from his time in the arena. He’s wearing skin tight clothing, bar a hood that covers his face. Only his eyes are visible though the single gap in the material - or really eye, as the right eye has been replaced with some piece of Galra tech. It’s piercing yellow glow contrasts with his brown eye in a way that makes Shiro want to scream in horror.

It might be just because something about that eye is… familiar. A sense of home comes to Shiro as he stares at it, a comforting warmth he’s begun to associate with his team.

His attacker is silent as he throws himself across the room, arm outstretched. Shiro kicks himself for daydreaming and grabs the arm, ducking down while pushing up. Momentum should take care of the rest, sending this man across the room.

THUNK!

Shiro screams in agony as his attacker kicks him in the head, the force of the blow sending Shiro rolling along the floor. But it’s not enough to stop Shiro’s attack, and his attacker flies across the room.

Rattled, his breathing hard as he tries to push past the searing pain in his head, Shiro groans. He rolls over and pushes his aching limbs to the max. Inch by inch, he gets to his feet.

That was a kick with the human leg. What would the metal one do?

Across the room, his attacker is equally slow. Shiro watches, trying to get his breathing to stop sounding like it’s happening through a megaphone, as his attacker gets to his feet. The only indication he might be hurting as much as Shiro is the slowness of his movements; his silence is beginning to become eerie.

At the back of his mind a tiny voice starts to poke at Shiro, wondering where all the Galra that were banging on the door are. Why is he facing this man and _only_ this man?

But it is ignored, pushed aside when his attacker again throws himself across the room. This time he keeps his arms in and turns into a kick, his metal leg acting as an anchor in his stance.

Shiro dodges, sucking in his stomach for those few critical inches. His retaliating punch is sloppy, mostly done on instinct and there’s no surprise surging through him when his attacker blocks it.

The next punch, with his right hand, is nowhere near as sloppy. Shiro feels his attacker’s shoulder give way under the force of the punch, a sickening crunch ringing through the air. But he’s gotten in too close. All the air in his lungs is forced out as his attacker knees him in the diaphragm with his metal leg.

Desperation surges through Shiro. He claws at his attacker’s face, hearing the unmistakable sound of tearing fabric as he falls to the ground. Pain is making every limb of his feel like lead but Shiro manages to roll sideways, before flopping forward onto his knees. From some dark depth, he finds the strength to crawl to the viewscreen and lean against it, facing his attacker.

Who is now unmasked, if that piece of fabric on the ground is what Shiro thinks it is. All he has to do is turn around and Shiro’ll be able to see-

His attacker turns around.

Shiro’s world freezes in a rush of blood that screams in his ears.

‘Matt?’

‘Who the hell is Matt?’ _Matt_ replies, each word a knife in Shiro’s heart. Distantly he can hear Pidge screaming over the comms, demanding to know why he said Matt. But every part of his body is tense, focused on this moment, on this man standing in front of him.

He’s looking at Shiro like Shiro is a stranger.

No. He’s looking at Shiro like Shiro is a _target_.

Is this what a broken heart feels like? Shiro’s chest _aches_ , like someone clawed through his skin and tore his heart out. He feels like throwing up, nausea sweeping through his body and surging with every passing millisecond.

Matt doesn’t know him. Matt is going to keep fighting him.

Shiro’s going to have to hurt Matt. Again.

Oh God, he might have to kill him.

‘ _SHIRO!’_ Allura cries, her voice almost lost in the sound of the viewscreen behind Shiro shattering. His helmet seals instantly, protecting him from the vacuum of space roaring around him. Black’s jaw close around him before he can process what’s happening, a sense of completeness settling in his bones.

‘Matt?’ he whispers, sinking into Black until he can see through her eyes. Matt’s already halfway out of the room, the deep marks on the floor around his leg showing how he didn’t fly out with everything else in the room.

They get one last look at his eyes, as blank as they were when he looked at Shiro before he gets out of the room and a blast door slams down.

_Matt. Oh God what did I do to you?_

*********

‘They call him the ‘Weapon’,’ Allura says, to the subdued group back in the Castle of Lions. ‘Dangerous beyond measure and as far as I could tell, kept on a base near here.’ She sits down - collapses really - in a nearby seat, her gaze on the floor. ‘Pidge and I have been seeing references to it… him for weeks now but we…’

‘We thought it was an actual weapon not a living being!’ Pidge roars, their chest heaving. ‘A thousand references and I never notic-’ they bite their lip, shaking their head, ‘never noticed.’

Shiro stands, forcing movement into his stone limbs. ‘We can’t blame ourselves,’ he says, keeping his voice as calm as possible despite the anger rushing through him. How could anyone blame themselves for something that is clearly his fault?

‘Yeah!’ Lance cries, leaning forward in his seat. ‘We need to blame the Galra! Go kick their asses in Matt’s name. Free him and all that. Be _heroes_ , like I naturally am.’

It’s good Shiro is standing, since it gives him a clear look at the disgust on Keith’s face, that would have been hidden by Hunk if he was sitting. Keith looks up and Shiro takes the chance to shake his head, a tiny movement. This is not the time for fighting.

With a grimace Keith sighs and doesn’t say anything.

‘We’re going to free him,’ Pidge says, bringing Shiro’s attention back to them. ‘We know what to look for now, it’ll be easier.’

A black hole must open in Shiro’s stomach, from the sinking feeling in it. ‘We’ll try,’ he manages to say, the memory of Matt’s blank gaze before his eyes.

It’s all he can offer. He can’t say they’ll save Matt because…

Because there might not be anything to save. His blank look haunts Shiro, appearing before his eyes.

_You did this Shiro. Look what they’ve done to me; look what I am now._

_You’re never going to save me now._

*********

After the meeting -  where they decide their next target is Triskelion, a prison planet close enough to attack tomorrow - Shiro sends everyone to bed. Quietly he sets Hunk on a mission to make sure Pidge actually _goes_ to bed and pokes Keith into backing Hunk up. Between the two of them - three, if Lance catches wind of the mission like Shiro’s sure he will - they should be able to get Pidge to sleep, if not maybe into bed.

Someone should get some sleep tonight.

Despite the aching in his limbs, Shiro heads to the training deck. Maybe this’ll get his thoughts in order, enough to focus. Right now all he sees is Matt’s blank stare, far more accusing than any actual emotion would be.

You did this. Your fault. They did this to me because of you.

‘Shiro.’ Allura’s voice breaks into his thoughts, his arm powering up as he jumps around to look at her. She holds up her arms until Shiro can make himself relax, unclenching his fist and trying to slow his racing heart.

‘Allura. Sorry about that… I guess I was lost in thought; didn’t hear you come in.’

Allura nods, a soft smile on her face. It fades though, leaving only a serious stare. ‘What you said earlier, about how we mustn’t blame ourselves-’

Dread crawls into Shiro. ‘Allura-’

‘-you do include yourself,’ she continues, as if Shiro didn’t speak and as if his shoulders aren’t climbing higher with every word. ‘You do know this isn’t your fault.’

Do her words sound as forced and empty to her as they do to Shiro? ‘Allura-’

‘No. This was not your fault and I’ll be damned if you blame yourself for it.’ Allura steps right up to him and Shiro finds himself taking a step back. ‘Say it.’

Shiro meets her eyes and drums up emotion he can never feel for his voice. ‘It’s not my fault,’ he says and the lies taste bitter in his mouth. The Galra did this to Matt because of Shiro; because he knew - and cared for - him.

He’d been better off if he’d never known Shiro.

But, somehow, the lies are enough for Allura. She nods. ‘Come with me then. Coran and I need some help plotting our path to Triskelion.’

It’s a thin attempt at a distraction but Shiro doesn’t protest. Despite the dark hate of himself - for what he did, what he caused -  that is turning his blood to sludge, something in him is desperate for peace of mind. He’ll do anything for even one moment away from the dark reality that is his life.

And hey, planning means he can keep his new family safe as he never did the other.

*********

Shiro and Allura wait until everyone is in their lions to start the briefing for two reason. One -  there’s nowhere close that will hide the Castle’s appearance so they’ve had to come in a fair distance away and fly there alone. Anything to pass the time on that flight is welcome.

And two - while Keith and Lance will find any excuse to fight, in their lions Shiro has the option of muting them and leaving them to it. Sadly not an option in the Castle, despite its advanced technology.

‘We’re going to be quick,’ Allura says, pulling up a map that appears on each lion’s screen. ‘The Galra know we’re in this region of space so they’ll be on alert. Pidge, you’ll go in first. Use the Green lion’s camouflage and disable everything you can - surveillance, alarms.’

Pidge bites their lip then nods. ‘I’ll also grab all their files.’

Allura sighs but nods. ‘If there’s time. Keith, Lance, you’re both on distraction. Make as much noise as you can outside the prison.’

‘Alright! I’m going to kick all the Galras’ butts and it’ll be awesome!’

Keith has his mouth open to reply so Shiro quickly speaks, ‘Hunk, you’ll be with me. We’ll be getting the prisoners out as fast as we can.’ Hunk goes green but nods.

Shiro quickly swaps to a private channel. ‘I’ll watch your back Hunk, you’ll be great.’

It takes a moment, then Hunk smiles. ‘I know.’

Switching back to their main channel, Shiro’s just in time to hear Coran say from somewhere offscreen, ‘Ah, Princess? I’m picking up some Galra chatter…’

Allura turns away, looking over her shoulder with a frown. ‘Yes?’ she says, before gasping and turning back to look at them with wide eyes.

Something cold settles in Shiro’s stomach, flowing through his veins. Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no.

Matt. The chatter is about Matt. Shiro doesn’t need Allura to speak, one look at her face and he knows as certainly as he knows he has bones. Matt is going to be at Triskelion.

‘Where is he going to be?’ Shiro asks, before Allura can say anything. It’s Pidge’s turn to gasp but Shiro puts them out of his mind for the moment.

The look Allura gives him is full of pity. ‘The ‘reevaluation facilities’, according to what we’ve picked up.’ Her lip twitches, disgust on every one of her features. ‘Apparently your defeat of their ‘Weapon’ was because it was deficient and in need of repair.’

‘We have to rescue him!’ Pidge cries, leaning forward.

Allura turns her pitying look onto Pidge, something that makes relief rush through Shiro even as he feels disgust at himself sweep through him. He doesn’t deserve pity but neither does he deserve to be relieved, not with all he’s done to Matt. Suffering through what others do to him is a minor penance.

‘We can’t,’ Allura says, regret dripping from her every word. ‘These facilities are the other side of the incredibly large compound; we’d be risking too much.’ She closes her eyes. ‘I’m sorry Pidge, but it’s what has to be.’

Pidge looks mutinous but nods.

‘Paladins, are you ready?’ Allura asks, a question increasingly becoming a pre-battle ritual.

A chorus of agreement rings out, Pidge’s voice barely audible. A shiver runs down Shiro’s back, anticipation mixing with knowledge. This is not good. They’re going to do something stupid.

He does the only thing he can - opens a private channel to the Green Lion.

‘Pidge?’

‘Shiro?’ They sound confused and Shiro can picture their face, all screwed up as they tilt their head. A second later the image appears and yes, he was right. ‘Why… why have you opened a private channel?’

No point in wasting time. ‘You can’t go after him alone,’ he says and hears Pidge’s sharp inhale. ‘Pidge, please, you can’t go after him.’

‘He’s my brother,’ they protest, agony in every syllable. ‘I know he’s still in there, Shiro. I can’t… I can’t leave him there. I’ve come too far to leave him there.’

Black tugs at the back of Shiro’s mind, a comfortable reminder that he is not alone, even as the memory of Matt’s blank stare creeps into his mind. He swallows the reflexive gag. He can do this.

He _has_ to do this.

‘Is there anything left to save Pidge?’ he asks, every word like lead on his tongue. But they have to be said so he says them, forcing them out with every bit of strength in his body.

Pidge makes a noise that is half roar, half outraged scream. It pierces every bit of Shiro, like shards of glass into his soul that conveys every bit of Pidge’s outrage. Echoing deep in him is his own outrage, from the part of him that remembers the warmth in Matt’s eyes when he looked at Shiro, the smell of him when they shared a bed…

The taste of his lips, every time they kissed.

But overshadowing this is the cold, blankness of Matt’s only remaining eye when it stared at Shiro and saw a stranger.

‘Pidge,’ he says, no begs. He’s going to have to explain, he can feel it in his bones. But the thought of putting everything crawling in his stomach into words makes his skin itch and his chest tight. How can he explain the ache in his heart that is Matt’s loss? What words does he use to try and describe how much Matt means...meant to him and what it is costing to even think the words he said, let alone say them.

‘How could you say that!’ they shriek. ‘He’s _my brother_ . You were FRIENDS; how could you give up on him like this?’ Shiro flinches, stung by the unintended insult in Pidge’s words. Matt and he _are_ friends, nothing ever changed that - not the change in their relationship nor everything that happened since.

They still are friends, even if Matt doesn’t know it anymore.

‘I’m sorry Pidge, but it has to be said.’ Shiro clenches his right fist, hears the whine of the plates and aches with a longing, deep and lingering, for his real arm. ‘We don’t know what they did to him, what’s left of Matt after… after everything. It’s too much to risk this mission on an unknown factor.’ He powers his arm up, staring at the purple glow and only seeing the dark red of dried blood.

Matt isn’t the only monster the Galra have made; just one lucky enough to seemingly not know what that means.

‘Shiro,’ Pidge says, their voice barely audible, ‘you… you have to understand. We know he’ll be there and I… I can’t...  I can’t leave him there.’

Shiro glares at Pidge’s image on the console, annoyance mingling with anger. ‘And how are you going to manage that? We _need_ you to sneak into the base and turn off their surveillance cameras. How are you going to manage that _and_ look for Matt?’

Pidge blinks, their mouth open a bit as they seem to consider Shiro’s question. ‘I’ll have time,’ they say but there’s a waver in their voice.

A wave of pity rushes through Shiro, so much that he has to sigh. ‘No you won’t. Allura said he’s the other side of the compound and we’ll need you to get into the sky with the prisoners Hunk and I rescue as soon as you’re able.’ Pidge looks down and Shiro aches a little but he has to push this. ‘You’re not going to have time-’

‘I can’t leave him!’ they roar, meeting Shiro’s eyes with a fierce glare. Matt’s face flashes in front of him; his fierce if futile roaring when they took his father dancing in Shiro’s memory.

He feels his temper snap, all the frustration at his situation combining with his longing for Matt and his outraged acceptance of the evil that’s been done to his lover.

‘If you look for Matt, you’re going to endanger everyone else. The prisoners, your teammates, our lions. Voltron. For a selfish desire!’

If he’d slapped Pidge, Shiro doubts he would gotten as shocked a look as is now on their face. ‘I’m not being selfish! Shiro, this is _family_ , don’t you understand?’

Yes. But Shiro’s not in a position to compromise. ‘I don’t care! The mission comes before everything else; this is war. Sometimes we have to make hard choices and this is one of them.’ Distantly, Shiro notes that they’re getting close to the rondevu point - one way or another, this has to be resolved and soon.

‘I’m not letting you sacrifice my brother!’

‘I’m not sacrificing one of my families to save the other!’ The words are out before Shiro can help them, slipping past every barrier he built to keep them in.

Pidge’s eyes widen. ‘What?’

Well, the cat is out of the bag. Might as make Pidge understand. ‘I know how you feel… Katie.’ Pidge jolts as if he shocked them. ‘Matt… Matt’s important. I understand. I know what he means to you…’

‘And what he means to you,’ they say in a whisper, eyes darting up and down. ‘You… you weren’t just friends.’

Shiro offers them a small, cold smile, unable to muster even the pretence of warmth. ‘We spent so many nights talking about what would happen after Kerberos, about the place we’d get, how you’d react… if we’d bother marrying or just let it be so we could keep going on missions together.’ Shiro looks down as a tear slips out. ‘There was a time when I saw my entire life being spent at his side and welcomed every moment.

‘Once we were captured, in that brief time we spent together before the arena… we still talked about after. When we got home, when we got out of this. And when we were dragged to the arena… it wasn’t even a choice to go in his place, not really. I would have fought a thousand fights if it meant Matt didn’t have to.

‘Matt is my best friend and Matt is the man I love,’ Shiro says, looking up to meet Pidge’s tear filled eyes, ‘and that day on the bridge, he looked me in the eyes and didn’t know me.’

‘Shiro… I… I didn’t know.’ Pidge covers their mouth and shakes their head. ‘I didn’t know.’

‘I know.’ Shiro tries to slow down his pounding heart, to swallow back some of the pain aching in his limbs and making thinking so much harder. ‘I didn’t want you to know, not until we found them. I didn’t want to rob Matt of the chance to tell you.’

‘That worked out well.’

Shiro huffs, a humourless shadow of a laugh. ‘Yeah, guess it did.’ He looks up, checking the screens to see how close they are to Triskelion.

About twenty minutes. Huh. Felt like they’d been talking longer but no, it’s only been ten minutes. Enough time though, for Lance and Keith to be at each other’s throats. They seem to be in some sort of fight but Allura’s also yelling so Shiro figures he has a few more moments before he’ll need to step in.

Funny how they didn’t seem to notice that he and Pidge weren’t talking. Got too focused on one fight to notice anot-

Oh. Oh that’s an idea.

But can they pull it off?

‘Pidge, what would happen if I don’t help Hunk?’

Pidge blinks, then frowns, mouthing something before asking, ‘What do you mean?’

‘If Hunk handles getting the prisoners out alone, what would happen?’

‘Chaos. He’d have to watch his own back and handle getting prisoners out while defeating any guards he encounters. No way he could do it-’

‘But what if there’s a distraction?’ Shiro can see the moment his plan begins to dawn on Pidge, as hope wars with horror on their face. ‘Say like, one of the Paladins of Voltron having a huge fight with their ‘weapon’ at the other end of the base.’

‘They’d know it was a ruse… unless-’

Before Shiro can react, Pidge starts whacking at buttons on their console. The sounds of the rest of the team come back with a roar, causing Shiro to flinch.

‘Keith, Lance! Could you guys focus your fire on the right side of the prison? Away from the prisoners and the control room?’

It’s like Pidge just threw a bomb into the room and everyone’s too stunned to react, leaving a ringing silence as they consider their words. Then Hunk begins to shake his head as Allura frowns

‘We could,’ Keith says in a thoughtful tone, ‘but that would leave you guys without any cover fire. If someone sees your lions, they’ll be sitting ducks.’

‘Agreed. It’s too risky - and why would we even do it?’ Allura sounds angry. Time to step in.

‘As a distraction,’ he says and can feel everyone’s focus snap to him. ‘Keep their eyes on that part of the complex and make them think it’s not a rescue mission.’ He shrugs, then adds, ‘well at least not a rescue mission for their prisoners.’

Hunk’s eyes widen. He’s got it. ‘Pidge’s brother,’ he whispers and then squirms as everyone focuses on him. ‘You’re going to make it look like we’re here for Pidge’s brother.’

Shiro nods. Already he can feel this plan taking shape in his mind, far firmer than the previous one. ‘Keep them focused on one fight, so they miss the other.’

He meets Hunk’s eyes, putting every inch of the confidence surging through him into his gaze. ‘You’re going to have to be stealthy; make sure they don’t realise you’re there until everyone is free.’ Hunk looks slightly green and gulps. ‘If you don’t think it’s possible, that’s fine. We’ll go back to the original plan.’

Pidge makes a noise of protest but Shiro ignores them. It’s not their life that’s being risked here; not them that’ll be alone in a prison. He’s not going to force Hunk into anything he doesn’t want to do.

But Shiro can’t deny the feeling of relief that sweeps through him when Hunk nods, making him feel slightly light headed.

‘I’ll do it,’ Hunk says, his voice steady despite the increasing paleness of his skin.

‘This is a far riskier plan,’ Allura says and for a moment Shiro’s sure his blood has frozen and his heart has stopped. ‘But,’ she continues, looking at Pidge with something like understanding, ‘I think this is the better of our plans. If we pull it off, it’ll be a bigger blow to the Galra.’

And Shiro understands too, that she’d hated being the awful person who had to refuse Pidge’s request to rescue Matt. This is as much a lifeline for her as it is for Pidge and Shiro.

Lance shifts in his seat, drawing Shiro’s attention. ‘Umm, just wondering but are you actually going to bring Pidge’s brother to the castle? Didn’t he try and kill you last time?’

‘I’m going to do what I need to do,’ Shiro says and it’s neither a yes or a no. ‘Triskelion’s coming up in five minutes; we better adjust course and hide on that moon.’

Everyone seems to realise that’s all they’re getting out of him and turn their attention to their lions. Pidge salutes as their lion disappears from view, heading for Triskelion. Shiro breaths a prayer for good luck after them, pushing down the warm and growing hope in his stomach.

The plan’s only just begun after all. It might not even work.

But it _has_ to work. Shiro’s not sure he could stand if it doesn’t.

********

Pidge takes twenty minutes - Shiro’s still not managed to get his head around the Altean system of time - to sneak into the prison and disable their security footage. Well, loop it but seeing as it’s useless either way, Shiro doesn’t much bother with the details.

But twenty minutes to do what really should have taken them thirty or more.

It still seems like eternity to Shiro; an era passing with such infinite slowness that he wonders if the clocks are even moving… hell, are they ticking _backwards_ to spite him?

‘I’m in!’ Pidge whispers, their voice sending a bolt of lightning through Shiro.  Relief floods him, stealing his breath away even as fear begins to creep through his veins and freeze them.

‘Good work Pidge,’ he says, keeping all hints of the turmoil inside him from his voice. ‘Keith, Lance - give me ten minutes to get in then you’re up. Hunk, as soon as they start their attack, go.’ He pauses. Should he? ‘Pidge, when Hunk starts, you grab the first lot of prisoners and get out.’

‘Shiro-’

‘Pidge.’ Shiro keeps his voice flat, his tone as unyielding as iron.

They sigh. ‘Okay.’

Shiro takes off, his mind running through every step they need to take when Pidge opens a private channel. ‘Shiro?’

‘Yes?’

‘Ca… Could… Would you bring back what you can of Matt?’

Shiro sits up in his seat, the implication in Pidge’s words chilling him. ‘Pidge-’

‘I don’t care what he’s like. Bring him back to me. Please.’ Under their words is a hint, something darker that Shiro’s not willing to consider.

‘I… I promise Pidge, I’ll try.’

********

Triskelion is a mountainous planet, which is actually really convenient for this operation and incredibly stupid of the Galra. Or just another demonstration of their arrogance; they don’t care about all the cover the many mountains provide to an invading force because they don’t think there’ll ever be one.

Their mistake.

The prison is at the foot of a mountain - not even the _top_ of the mountain where you could see anyone coming, the _arrogant assholes_ \- so Shiro sneaks Black under a rock cropping a little bit up the mountain. He pats her before he leaves and feels her comforting brush against his mind, coloured with a sense of anxiety.

‘I wish you could come too,’ he whispers as he makes his way down the mountain. ‘It’s not the same without you by my side.’

Black purrs in agreement, a rumbling in his head. Then a wave of determination runs through him - foreign enough for Shiro to realise it’s from Black but somehow as familiar as his own emotions.

He straightens his back, and pushes down the ever creeping fear that keeps flashing Matt’s blank look before his eyes. He can do this, he _can_ do this.

He has to do this.

Slipping into the prison is easy. The routines of the drone guards live in Shiro’s dreams (nightmares), their rhythm now a part of his bones. He doesn’t have to worry about the cameras thanks to Pidge, so all he has to avoid is the Galra.

Well, he has to avoid them until he finds Matt. That’s the point of this plan.

And it works perfectly, right up until the moment he turns a corner into a large, nearly empty room, with Matt standing in the middle of it.

The door slams shut behind him with an echoing thud. _Shit_.

But it’s okay. Stick to the plan Shiro.

‘Matt,’ he says. Or tries to say, his voice coming out more a breathless whisper than any sort of noise. ‘Matt,’ he tries again, this time managing to get some force behind his words.

His voice echos in the room but Matt doesn’t react. He just stares, motionless, only the blinking of his human eye giving any sign he’s not just a statue.

This time he’s hoodless, so Shiro takes the moment to examine - okay, drink in  - Matt’s face. Once he could draw it from memory, every groove cemented in a place of honour in his mind’s eye; every laugh line as familiar as breathing.

Now, so much has changed and every change breaks something in Shiro he thought was already broken.

The glowing yellow eye is the most obvious change, a blight across the landscape of Matt’s face. But it’s not just that - Matt has scars, small nicks along his cheeks. They run parallel to the one deep mark, stretching from the corner of his fake eye to his ear. And he’s thin, so thin, in a way that makes Shiro nauseous.

‘Matt,’ he says again, pleading in his voice. ‘Do you remember me?’

Matt cocks his head but says nothing, just continues staring with that blank stare that stabs into Shiro’s soul every second it’s turned on him. At least Matt’s unarmed this time, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

‘Matt-’

BANG.

The prison rocks as Lance cheers over the comms, Keith’s voice joining in a millisecond later. Matt does move at this, looking up at the roof.

Swallowing down the bile crawling up his throat, Shiro throws himself across the room. Surprise is an advantage, one he’s going to need. Last time… last time it was close. And he… he can’t die, he needs to draw this out as long as possible…

He can’t lose. Too much is depending on him.

Shiro is quick, getting to Matt in a heartbeat but Matt’s just as fast. He gets an arm up, blocking Shiro’s punch by forcing Shiro’s left arm up and away from his body. Matt brings his knee up at the same time and Shiro has to dance back, to avoid taking a metal leg to the stomach.

For a second they stand no more than a metre apart, Matt’s eyes running up and down Shiro. Shiro’s heart _aches_ as the motion reminds him of the leers Matt sometimes did, when they were alone. The blank assessment in Matt’s eyes now is just crushing Shiro, making every breath a struggle.

But he has to go on. Shiro lunges forward, and Matt meets him, grabbing his left arm and twisting. Shiro cries out, grabbing Matt’s left arm with his right arm and copying Matt’s move.

Matt’s cry is louder and his grip slackens, giving Shiro the chance he needs to dart out of range. He stands at the edge of the room, panting as he watches Matt retreat to the other side of the room. Shiro’s eyes linger on the way Matt’s holding his left arm.

Or more accurately, the way it’s just dangling there, as if dislocated.

Shit.

How much longer can Shiro _do_ this?

_‘I’m in,_ ’ Hunk whispers over the comms. ‘ _Boy is it quiet here. Kinda eerie_.’

A timely reminder. Shiro has a mission, after all. People he loves depending on his distraction.

He’ll do this forever, if he has to. Anything to save his family.

Anything.

He clenches his right fist, powering it up and ignoring the bile in his throat. ‘Matt, _please_ ,’ he begs, his voice an endless echo in this silent room. ‘Don’t make me hurt you.’

‘Surrender,’ _Matt_ says, his voice a unrecognisable growl. ‘Surrender.’

Shaking his head, Shiro takes a step forward. ‘I can’t Matt. I… I can’t leave you. Please, _remember_.’

Matt throws himself across the room with a roar, moving so fast Shiro only gets his arm just in time to block the punch aimed at his face.

Guess that’s a ‘no’ on the remember thing.

Shiro grabs Matt’s right arm, flicking his own right arm off as he does so. Maybe if he holds onto it, it’ll stop Matt using it and well, without arms this is going to be a lot less of a fight.

Course that’s when Matt tries to knee him in the groin. Shiro darts back, taking advantage of the fact he’s taller than Matt to get out of the way while not releasing his grip. They probably look absolutely ridiculous right now.

And this… this feels familiar, the panting tiredness while in a ridiculous position reminding Shiro of better days. But it’s _not_ the same; there’s no playfulness in Matt’s eyes - eye - and no teasing about how slow old Shiro can’t even manage to subdue a lazy scientist. Like Matt didn’t go through the same combat training Shiro did.

He’s a better fighter now.

So’s Shiro, honestly. One more way the Galra have changed him… changed them both.

Matt twists, wrenching his arm out of Shiro’s grip while throwing a punch with his left arm.

Well, tries to. Whatever the Galra have done to him, it hasn’t included taking away pain. Matt manages to get the arm up but his face crumbles into a silent scream and he drops the arm, falling to one knee. Absently, Shiro notes it’s his metal leg that’s still standing.

Shiro knees in front of Matt, far enough away he’ll have time to scramble up if Matt moves but close enough he can see the pain in Matt’s eyes. ‘Matt-’

‘That designation is meaningless,’ Matt snaps, rising a bit before crumbling. Something warm spreads through Shiro - Matt’s never had much of a tolerance for pain. The slightest amount of pain is a huge distraction for him, causing much teasing from an unsympathetic Katie.

It’s nice to know that’s still a part of him.

‘Matt-’

With a groan, Matt rises to his feet, a movement that Shiro quickly copies. ‘Do you know any other words?’ Matt snaps.

Shiro has to laugh, the relief in him pushing it out. ‘Nope,’ he says, the response near automatic. God, how many times has he made this joke at Matt?

The laugh dies in his throat, a choking feeling, as Matt lunges at him. The side step is as automatic as Shiro’s response was a moment ago, but each movement steals the warmth from his body.

No.

No.

  
NO!

They were making progress!

_‘All prisoners free,_ ’ Hunk whispers over the comms, as Shiro ducks under Matt’s wild swing and dances away from his kick. _‘Ten minutes and we’ll be clear_.’

‘ _Shiro, start to disengage now_ ,’ Allura says. ‘ _Keith and Lance can’t keep the rest of the Galra busy for much longer.’_

Ducking another punch, Shiro delivers his own kick to Matt’s chest. He hears Matt’s breathing change as the air leaves his lungs, and watches him stumble back. Shiro takes the chance to check the room around him, not surprised to find it as empty as it had been when he entered.

‘ _Shiro!’_

‘Get out of here,’ Shiro says, darting under another punch. Matt screams in frustration and aims a kick - it’s so wild Shiro can’t manage to dodge and he stumbles. While he doesn’t fall, Shiro loses enough momentum that he barely dodges the next punch.

Shit.

‘ _Shiro!’_ That’s Pidge, sounding so outraged. Shrio bets they’re all puffed up, like an annoyed baby bird. But one with teeth… maybe a baby dragon instead.

‘That’s an order. Leave me; I’ll make it out.’ He pauses, matching Matt who’s just standing near the door with a tilted head. ‘Promise.’

Before anyone can protest, Shiro flicks the comms to mute. His team is safe - his _family_ is safe. Time to see what’s there to save of this one.

Matt’s eyes widen. ‘You’re the distraction,’ he whispers, turning his head towards the door. ‘Using my mission as a distraction to complete another.’

Shit.

No.

Matt what _are_ you _doing_? NO!

Shiro throws himself at Matt, dragging him away from the door. A quick spin and Shiro’s able to throw Matt across the room, planting himself in front of the door.

Automatically he shifts into a fighting stance, his hand powering up. Across the room, Matt matches it. He looks at Shiro with hard eyes, his face in a frown that is more emotion than Shiro’s seen from Matt… well this whole fight.

‘Please don’t make me fight you,’ Shiro whispers, trying to put everything he’s ever felt for Matt - the fuzzy warmth of their friendship; the rushing delight of their time as lovers; the heartbreaking worry since - into his eyes. His glaze really, as he catches Matt’s eyes and stares.

‘You are an enemy of the Galra and must be eliminated,’ Matt says tonelessly, his robotic eye glowing without a flicker of change. But his human eye narrows.

‘Matt-’

Matt attacks; throwing himself at Shiro with a scream. Shiro reaches for him, ducking under the punch and using Matt’s momentum to twist round and throw him back across the room. But Matt manages to plant his metal leg, stopping his progress after only a few inches. He twists back around, landing a punch right in Shiro’s face.

Shiro stumbles back, banging into the door. His nose _aches_ in a way that he’s sure means it’s broken. No time though, to let it distract him.

Matt’s already moving forward, his left arm still dangling useless by his side. Shiro eyes it.

Should he?

No time to debate. Matt’s there, another punch coming straight at Shiro’s face. Shiro dodges it and grabs Matt’s left arm, ignoring the soul shattering cry Matt makes. Instead, he puts all the power he can into his right arm and throws Matt across the room, actually managing to get him back a few feet this time.

Behind him, the door swishes open.

_No!_

Shiro turns, panic already rising in him and stealing his breath away. No, no-

Oh _fuck no_.

Pidge is standing in the doorway, their eyes wide and bayard already glowing. ‘Shiro?’ they say, looking over his shoulder.

Where Matt is.

Pidge’s eyes go even _wider_ and Shiro doesn’t need them to speak - doesn’t need their nudge along the bond the paladins share - to know Matt’s attacking from behind. He drives his elbow back, hiding the disgust that rises him when he feels the blow land.

He can’t hide his shock when Matt sweeps his legs out from under him, sending him to the ground in a breathless jumble of limbs.

‘Matt?’ Pidge’s voice is tiny, and the expression on their face so lost, it’s like another blow to Shiro. They lower their bayard, making themselves look physically vulnerable and Shiro pulls himself to his knees.

‘Do any of you know any other wo-’ Shiro turns around, still trying to find the energy to rise, just as Matt cuts himself off. His head tilts as he examines Pidge. ‘Words,’ he says after a long moment, his eyes still on the green paladin. ‘That is a meaningless designation,’ he repeats, but in a confused tone of voice.

A confused _tone_.

‘Matt!’ Pidge repeats, taking a step forward.

It’s the wrong move. Matt’s face twists into a horrifying expression, hate visible in every line of his face. Shiro scrambles to his feet, keeping himself between Matt and his younger sibling.

So it’s him that takes Matt’s iron hard kick to the chest, instead of Pidge.

It’s a hard blow, one that leaves him choking on nothing as he gasps for air. He stumbles back, blood rushing in his ears as he tries to push past the ever growing ache in his chest. Pidge. Have to protect Pidge.

He promised, promised a Matt that no longer exists, that he would protect his sister - sibling - from harm, if anything happened to Matt.

Matt being the attacker doesn’t change anything.

‘Shiro!’ Pidge cries, their voice piercing through the roaring in Shiro’s ears. ‘Matt, _stop_.’

Shiro forces himself into more awareness. When did he fall to his knees? He looks up, staring into Matt’s blank eyes… no _eye_. The robotic one is emotionless but the human one looks wet. Wait-

Matt pulls a knife out of the top of his leg, pointing it at Shiro’s throat as he takes a step fo-

‘No!’ Pidge screams, and Shiro blinks as a grappling hook ties itself around Matt’s leg. Matt stares down at it as Pidge darts around Shiro and slides around Matt, managing two circles before Matt tries to take a step.

Then they pull, the rope such that Matt loses his balance and falls forward. His head hits the floor with a crunching noise that nearly makes Shiro throw up.

‘Matt,’ Pidge whispers, their eyes wide and face completely white. ‘No, _Matt_.’

Shiro forces himself to his feet, getting up in time to catch Pidge; to stop them from reaching their brother’s side. ‘No Pidge, we have to go. Now.’

‘But, _Matt_.’

Shiro looks down at the body behind him, before glancing at the door to his right and back at the body. Matt’s still breathing and is that-

He’s groaning. Shifting. ‘We have to go,’ Shiro repeats, tightening his grip on Pidge.

‘We can’t just leave him!’

‘Leave,’ Matt says from the floor, getting his knees under himself. ‘I’ll find you.’ Every word is growled, a threat in every bit of his voice.

Shiro gives up on getting Pidge to move and picks them up, taking most of their weight in his right arm. They start to wriggle and protest, but his grip is firm.

‘No, Shiro no! We can’t, _no!_ ’

Glancing down, Shiro can see the hate in Matt’s human eye, still visible despite the blood coating his face. ‘No matter where you go _Shiro_ , I will find you,’ he swears with a snarl. ‘You and Katie will never be safe.’

In Shiro’s arms, Pidge freezes. Shiro would do the same but he has to get them out. ‘We’ll be waiting,’ he says instead, turning his back on Matt and starting to run. He doesn’t look back - he _can’t_ look back. His feet are already lead, only moving because Pidge is in his arms.

If he looks back, he’ll stay.

Pidge wriggles their way out of his arms as they turn the next corner, running the way back to their lions at his side. In silence, darting through empty hallways with purpose. It’s not until they reach the lions, Green beside Black, that Pidge speaks.

‘He knew my name,’ they say. Shiro unmutes his comms but the anxious chatter of their teammates barely registers as background noise. ‘I never told him my name. Shiro, he _knew_ me.’

‘I know,’ Shiro says with a sigh. ‘But… is that enough?’ He looks around, nervous about their current position but sensing Pidge needs to say what they’re saying now. Or they’ll never say it.

Pidge looks down, their hand on Green’s side. ‘I don’t know,’ they say. ‘He… he tried to kill you.’

‘Yes.’

‘...We should go.’ Pidge goes to get into Green and Shiro sighs again.

He pulls them into a hug, before they manage to take a single step. ‘We’ll figure it out,’ he whispers as they squeeze him tightly. ‘I promise, we’ll figure this out.’

A gun fires in the distance and Shiro releases Pidge in a hurried movement.

‘Together?’ Pidge asks, with a quirk to their lips.

‘Together.’


End file.
